I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do herpes really smell.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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