I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what day is it and did you see me today?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
