if only i could text you this smell
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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