i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
