Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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