So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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