I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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