I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
