I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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