whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
soo... how was my night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
