I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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