I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
