D3 body, D1 cock
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
