I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
