i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My balls are so social today.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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