If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
