She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize