What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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