I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize