thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
