38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
