i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
