I'm really into asian looking animals
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
