you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize