Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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