Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
