In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's blow job season.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
