Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
