Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize