the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
