too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When are your genitals available?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
