well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
