I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
