FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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