i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
