Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He did a backflip because drugs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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