I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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