my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
