wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
