Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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