Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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