Betty ford says i'm here all night
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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