the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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