Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize