so that wasnt chicken after all
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
