After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
