dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
