Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
