So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
