i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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