She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
