we have officially lost it.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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