If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize