In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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