I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
someone owes me an orgasm
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize