You're completely useless in the revolution.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize