Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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