I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
