if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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