you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
