gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
