Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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