Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
