So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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