i just google imaged poop.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
