I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
