Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
