Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
