how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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