he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
