So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
