so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
